two umbrellas

I try not to use twoumbrellas as a place for personal posts (other than my reading and political opinions) but I am finding that I am becoming more and more self-absorbed - not necessarily to a fault (or at least a great fault). I am pregnant. I am due to have a baby girl in July. I have just rounded into the third trimester and I feel that these approaching last weeks have changed me and will continue to change me. Change is not a bad thing. I embrace it.

But there were times that I didn’t. I find that being pregnant I have let my body take control over me. Naturally, it has a way of doing that. I can’t control the physiological changes - though I pretended I could in the beginning by trying to document (i.e. worry) over every single change or feeling (physically or emotionally) I had. I lost that battle. I continue to lose that battle. Now, though, I am learning to let go. I am getting bigger - by the minute, it seems, especially if I consider how much I eat during the day. I am big enough now that I am beginning to feel as though this hugeness is not just me. I can feel hands and feet pushing and kicking; I walk down the street or sit in my cube and I am reminded that I am not alone with a swift kick in the rib or an eerie push on my now-nonexistent belly button. And there are times when I lay in bed and forget - actually forget - that I am pregnant and try to just roll over or get up. My body quickly reminds me that it is in control: I roll out of bed and when I walk it’s much slower and with a bit of a waddle. Yet, for the most part, I don’t mind giving in to my body and my passenger.

As I sit here feeling all of those little jabs I am constantly reminded of how surreal this experience is. It still doesn’t feel quite real despite its visceral reality. It’s not that I don’t feel ready for the baby. It is an amazing experience creating and having a new family member. I think there is a slight disconnect, which of course, makes me feel as though I may not be ready or I’m in denial or (worse) that I’m going to be a bad mother – How can I not always feel connected to my baby (who has yet to be born!)? Have I not changed my perspective? Will I continue to be self-absorbed or, at least, self-concerned? The more I think about it the more I wonder if being a little selfish is such a bad thing. I don’t want to become a new person and I can’t deny that I will be a changed person. I cannot wait, however, to see what kind of person she will become.

MoMA has an interesting exhibit called book/shelf, which runs from Mar 26 - July 7.

The Museum of Modern Art’s collection and Library are rich in works by artists who tackle the idea of books by stretching the conventions of the medium. The works presented here use a variety of techniques - photography, film, printing, assemblage, drawing, and sound recording - reflecting the wide diversity of approaches.

The online exhibition has a few highlights.

Hooray!!

If you live in PA, please don’t forget to cast your ballot.

I was a little surprised by William Faulkner’s Mosquitoes. It was quite different from Soldiers’ Pay and yet so very similar. As I progress through Faulkner’s writing, I am guessing that it will be a unique contribution to his body of work. The style of these two novels is very similar. The subject matter couldn’t be more different. I wonder if it is fair to judge a book by what it is about - meaning can writing style outweigh its authenticity? I am not implying that Mosquitoes is not authentic. It is a jazz age novel; a novel of its time; but something about it seemed forced.

Mosquitoes follows a four day yachting trip starting in New Orleans. The passengers are all artists summoned together by a Mrs. Maurier who likes to surround herself with artists but is not an artist herself. She also doesn’t understand them - male or female - or even approve of many of their bohemian tendencies. She brings along her niece and nephew who are a new generation of the carefree spirit. However, they are not attached to art or philosophy; they are just young. The group is rounded out by a sculptor, a writer, a painter, and a few others who fit the jazz age personas. I had lost track who was who for some of the lesser characters as not much distinguished them from each other. Their conversations were superficial and while Mosquitoes may have been a novel of the loneliness of this superficiality - where persona overtakes the individual. As I was reading I continually asked myself: can you define something by using the word itself? If so, that should be the hallmark of authenticity; but, reading The Great Gatsby and Mosquitoes are two different experiences.

Then, again, this is Faulkner. For me, Faulkner is about style, creating a world through a mosaic of language and dialogue. With Mosquitoes Faulkner threads dialogue, language, and art masterfully until it becomes a collage of ennui. In that sense it works beautifully even if at times it is overwritten.

aside I am sorry to say that I am very behind schedule. I finished Mosquitoes at least a month ago. My discipline is lacking a bit. I’m only a third of the way into Flags in the Dust and I imagine it will take me a while to get through it.

The 2nd Annual will be held on 17-18 May. There will be over 80 exhibitors and a full schedule of authors, music, and more.

Last Saturday mr. twoumbrellas and I went to see Lawrence Lessig give a presentation for Barack Obama at UPenn. I was quite impressed (not that I wasn’t impressed with his presentations before). I’ve only ever seen his presentations online so it was a treat to see it live.

Since he was - in my case - preaching to the choir, as they say, I wasn’t sure what to expect from the presentation; I’ve seen so many speeches and listened to the candidates and their supporters for so long that I tend, not quite to lose interest, but my excitement wanes with all of the repetition. Lessig had a few interesting arguments that I had heard him talk about in previous slide shows. What struck me the most interesting was Lessig’s point that change - real change - is not just about action (or ideas of what actions to take) but it is also about perception. How we perceive things are happening in government is just as important as how they actually are happening; transparency can ultimately lead to trust - and a fair government that is working for the people’s best interest.

I thoroughly enjoyed The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett . Pure entertainment. A fast paced detective story set in 1930s-ish San Francisco. Sam Spade is a deliberate character that you can’t help but root for. It is the kind of detective story that you may not be able to figure out all of the twists and turns but you know that everything is going to be set right in the world when it’s all over. The violence and crime are quaint compared to today’s plot lines, but that doesn’t take away from the compelling story. One reason I stayed hooked was the writing. Hammett does a fantastic job of moving the plot along quickly but not abruptly. Nothing is left out but only what is necessary is left in. Sam Spade is a man of action and there is no internal monologue clutter. Action, action, action tells this story.

The Maltese Falcon is the first selection for the book club that I recently joined. I have yet to go to a meeting so I’ll see how that goes. Next month’s selection is Howard’s End, which I’ve never read. Although I probably wouldn’t have picked either of these books, I appreciate that we are reading books that I haven’t read and that I am at least interested in.

Here are a few highlights from the calendar:

*FREE

While I should be very excited about this year’s presidential election, I am, unfortunately, somewhat disappointed in the playing field. For weeks I have been upset - no, angry - at some of the rhetoric that seeped into the campaign. I am not naive to think that this election could somehow transcend politics as usual. However, after seven long years of the current administration, I am tired of feeling like I am weak.

On 08 January, Gloria Steinem wrote an article in the NYT where she posited the question in weighing Senator Clinton versus Senator Obama as candidates in the primaries: “So why is the sex barrier not taken as seriously as the racial one?” I’m not sure I know the answer to her question, other than that, as a woman, I don’t find gender (or race) to be an issue in my decision for whom to vote. Maybe for other Americans gender, race, or both are contentious issues - but for me they are not.

There was another statement, however, that she made in the article that I actually had more trouble with:

What worries me is that some women, perhaps especially younger ones, hope to deny or escape the sexual caste system; thus Iowa women over 50 and 60, who disproportionately supported Senator Clinton, proved once again that women are the one group that grows more radical with age.

I am under 30 (not by much - but still under) and yet I am considered part of the “youth” vote. While that classification may be semantically easy to justify, I disagree with the common conception that because I am a “youth” that I do not understand the current struggles of our country or what it means to overcome them and what is at stake if we don’t. What is even more striking is the accusation that young people are not as radical as those who are over 50 and 60. Just because I am a woman does not mean I should or I will vote for Hillary Clinton. Not voting for Senator Clinton does not mean that I am not a feminist or “radical”. I can make an intelligent voting decision based on criteria other than gender. I am free to do so and nor does that make me naive. It may not be radical to base a decision on whether or not something is good for everyone and not just women. My generation may have different versions of the same struggles (poverty, war, terrorism, education, the economy, personal liberties - issues that transcend race, gender, and age) that older adults have lived through but I don’t resent them for it. But maybe, just maybe, it could be radical to want our country and its leaders to look ahead rather than to the past.

I am voting for Barack Obama not because I am young. (Actually, I won’t be voting for anyone in the primaries; I am a registered Independent and in PA that means no vote for me.) I do not want the same politics that I have lived through my entire life with the same kind of politicians. I’ll admit, on most issues, all candidates have similar ideas. It is the approach that matters. 2008 cannot be a repeat of 2004 or 2000 (or even 1992 or 1996).

aside For an excellent articulation, see Lorrie Moore’s article in the NYT: “Does her being a woman make her a special case? Does gender confer meaning on her candidacy? In my opinion, it is a little late in the day to become sentimental about a woman running for president.”